Thirty days of supposedly thought-provoking, self -reflective blog posts. Now, as you can see by the number of posts here, my blog is wildly active and I can hardly restrain myself from posting several times a day. Yeah. Right. So in light of my propensity for procrastination and the upcoming holiday season , I am going to amend the meme to reflect the truth of ME and rename it to 30 Truths Stretched Out Over an Undetermined Amount of Time. Yes, I think that has a nice ring to it.
And on with the show.
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
I imagine this might be a difficult one for happy, well adjusted people, but luckily for us, I am neither of those things! I suppose we could take the route of examining what I don’t hate about myself, but… That’s Day 2, sillies, let’s not be too anxious. I’m going to assume that the meme maker wasn’t speaking of physical “somethings” when they created this item on the list, or we could go with the usuals of extra weight here, grey hair there, an ever deeper and more prominent wrinkle right there (yes, botox is in my future, I don’t care what anyone says), etc., etc. And honestly, that would be a little… banal for my taste anyway. Ah yes, the procrastination and avoidance has gone on quite nicely for the last couple of sentences, hasn’t it? Okay, okay, let’s get down to business.
The thing that I hate the most about myself would have to be… See, now, here I am again, trying to decide what to say. And it really isn’t procrastination or avoidance, and it certainly isn’t a lack of things to hate, but… I guess it’s not such an easy question for even the most embittered souls out there. Sorry, happy people, I was unjustifiably harassing you again. There’s this thing that those happy people have that I haven’t figured out yet. They’re full of… something (no, not THAT) that I am missing and can certainly feel as a void in my life. They have passion. (And you have to have the correct image in your head when you read that word, btw, or we can’t continue. It’s the balling of the hands into fists and the slight lowering of the voice and the flexing of all the muscles in your body. Go ahead, try it, you know you want to. Okay, good? Good.) There’s a drive and an oomph and a passion that I’m lacking. I am the dark side of inertia and I hate it. No one thinks of inertia this way because everybody remembers the ball or the matchbox car demonstration. Away it rolls until gravity finally slows it or something changes its path. And that’s how I see people- happily rolling away, dealing with their daily life. But you have to remember that inertia is the resistance to a change the state of motion or rest. I am at rest. Perpetually. I don’t have the oomph. I don’t have the passion. I don’t have what’s needed to give me that first little push down the hill. Unless, of course, it’s a deadline or timeline or something of an externally imposed nature, but I’m not going to count panic or late fees as my passion. Now, maybe there is no such thing as the passion or oomph I’m talking about and I’m making excuses and just need to give myself a swift kick. And in that case, I hate my apathy. Flip sides of the same coin, I suppose. I can’t hate something I don’t have, right? Fine, I hate my apathy. It keeps me comfy and cozy and not caring and not wanting. Yes, I’m working on it. No, it’s not progressing very rapidly. But I’m trying, and maybe this little blogger challenge was just whatI needed to get that ball rolling.