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30 (or….79) Days of Truth – DAY 30!!!!!!!!

February 3, 2011

Okay, this really IS going to happen.  A combination of life, procrastination and difficulty with the topic has kept me from completing this stupid meme.  Now granted, the latter two items certainly conspired together a little bit more than I’d like to admit, but the former really did play a part too.  Fine… a little part.  Anyway, those two are attempting to inhibit me yet again, so… Let’s get to it…

Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

I keep reading this prompt over and over again and uttering a derisive snort-like laugh as I see the emphasized EVERYTHING.  As if I’m going to be so overwhelmed by the amount of love I have for myself that I must be coaxed to go ahead and put it all down on paper and not worry about feeling arrogant.  Yeah, that’s definitely what’s been holding me back.  Right.  Anyway, after many days of intermittent thought directed at this stupid post, I’ve come up with a list of a few things that I can say I *coughs* love about myself.  Okay, here’s the thing.  I don’t love the word love.  I think it’s bandied about too often and find that it’s overused in romantic, platonic and self-related situations.  Fine, fine, while this is a true thought process, it doesn’t really apply to my situation here.  I just don’t LOVE anything about myself, damnit.  But, for the sake of the exercise, I picked a few things that I like about myself (maybe even really, really like about myself) and called it love.  (Yes, I’m batting my eyes and picturing stars and hearts and doves flying about my head in a circle right now.)  So, we’ve addressed the love portion of the prompt.  Now on to the letter portion, which I tend to snort at as well, btw.  But we’re playing along here, right?  So I said to myself, “Self…”

You are an amazing, intelligent, beautiful, protective, wise woman.  You shouldn’t beat up on yourself; instead, you should revel in your assets and work on improving all of your so-called flaws.  You need to take time to remind yourself of your good qualities and…  Wow, Self, that sounded almost good enough to believe, didn’t it??  That’s because it’s true.  Amazing is a bit difficult to be objective about, so let’s go ahead and skip that one and move on to intelligent.

Your intelligence has always been your greatest asset (and enemy, but that comes later).  As a child, your little, underdeveloped frame had been left in the dust on many occasions, your bright mind several steps ahead of where your body and self-confidence could follow.  Intelligence has carried you through traditional schooling, and your third post secondary degree is looming on the horizon.  Happily, you have recently been able to direct your intelligence toward more practical, life applications as well, which has helped to enhance your self-confidence.  (Maybe we’ll revisit this letter another day and be able to add that to the list of loved characteristics.)

Self confidence has long been damaged by that positive trait of intelligence, but in the last several years you’ve been able to start redirecting that gnawing, self-depreciating trait into something more productive.  You are able to admit to your flaws in a (reasonably) objective manner and look toward the future and how to replace those flaws with more positive characteristics.  Yes, that is something you can love about yourself.  Acknowledging your flaws is a whole lot better than the whole “ignorance is bliss” crap.

Along with not thinking ignorance is bliss, I love that you’re getting wiser with age.  You’re not and will never be one of those women that needs to stay 29 to feel good about herself.  While you do have an irrational hatred for being 32 this year, you don’t mind getting older.  You love learning about yourself, attempting to better yourself.  I love that age brings to you not only wisdom, but strength and confidence as well.  I know you’re not going to be running around putting yourself in positions to make a fool of yourself, but you don’t fail before you’ve made an attempt anymore.  This wisdom is allowing you to expand your horizons and in turn, your mind.  That really is something to love.

The next couple items on the list are a few more things I truly love about you.  I love your love for tiny humans.  I love that people have called you “the baby whisperer.”  I love that tiny humans tend to love you.  I love that you have (almost) endless patience for their antics.  (I wish that patience flowed over onto people that are more than 42 months old, but I know you’re working on that one.)  I love the protective and- dare I say- nurturing nature in you that comes out when you’re with children.  And I love that your protective streak actually does extend to people that are over three feet tall.  I love your protective, nurturing, loving, baby whispering self.

Here’s one that’s a little less deep:  I love your hair.  Damnit, I do.  Only took me a few years to work up to feeling like this, but I do.  Embrace the bulk, the curls, the length!  Do eet.

Actually, while we’re at it, I love your skin too.  I love it for its appearance and I love that it’s one of the few things we can say with certainty that you got from Mom.

As we draw to a close, and with absolutely nothing funny to say, the last thing I love about you is your humor.  You are damn funny.  I love that your wit is subtle enough for people to miss it.  I love that you can’t tell a joke or a story to save your life, but your one-liners are absolutely hilarious.  I love that you draw together everything I love about you and all the things you see as flaws and put them together to form a dark, droll, yet engaging sense of humor.

Don’t ever let anyone tell you different- you are loved, and loved well.

Always,

c

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