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30 Days of Truth – Day 22

December 18, 2010

Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

I have such contradictory answers to this prompt.  My first response is the most true, but also the most cliche.  There’s nothing in my life that I wish I hadn’t done because every choice I’ve made in the past has led me to this present.  And even if there are some events in my past that I would consider to be mistakes, I wouldn’t be who I am now without the event itself and my response to it shaping me into who I am today.  Yes, it’s cheesy, but it really is true.  Now, with that said, there are plenty of things that I know I’ve effed up and would love to take back.  Some of them make sense, some don’t, many of them are contradictory, but they’re all things that have crossed my mind.

I wish I hadn’t screwed around so much when I went away to college the first time.  I wish I hadn’t seen travel as an impossible option.  I wish I hadn’t let so many friendships fall away.  I wish I hadn’t waited so long to learn to drive.  I wish I hadn’t been so fearful as a young person.  I wish I hadn’t made so many decisions based on what I thought other people expected of me.  I wish I hadn’t been with so many guys.  I wish I hadn’t moved so far away from home.  I wish I hadn’t eaten that last piece of pizza.  I wish I hadn’t been with so few guys.  I wish I had screwed around more in high school.  I wish I hadn’t ignored so much in Spanish class.  I wish I hadn’t stopped playing the clarinet.  I wish I hadn’t allowed other’s expectations and desires shape me so much.

Now, short of one or two, I really can’t wish for any of that to come true.  It might be easier if some of it hadn’t happened, but I wouldn’t be me.  And, on some days at least, I like being me.

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