30 (or….79) Days of Truth – DAY 30!!!!!!!!

Okay, this really IS going to happen.  A combination of life, procrastination and difficulty with the topic has kept me from completing this stupid meme.  Now granted, the latter two items certainly conspired together a little bit more than I’d like to admit, but the former really did play a part too.  Fine… a little part.  Anyway, those two are attempting to inhibit me yet again, so… Let’s get to it…

Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

I keep reading this prompt over and over again and uttering a derisive snort-like laugh as I see the emphasized EVERYTHING.  As if I’m going to be so overwhelmed by the amount of love I have for myself that I must be coaxed to go ahead and put it all down on paper and not worry about feeling arrogant.  Yeah, that’s definitely what’s been holding me back.  Right.  Anyway, after many days of intermittent thought directed at this stupid post, I’ve come up with a list of a few things that I can say I *coughs* love about myself.  Okay, here’s the thing.  I don’t love the word love.  I think it’s bandied about too often and find that it’s overused in romantic, platonic and self-related situations.  Fine, fine, while this is a true thought process, it doesn’t really apply to my situation here.  I just don’t LOVE anything about myself, damnit.  But, for the sake of the exercise, I picked a few things that I like about myself (maybe even really, really like about myself) and called it love.  (Yes, I’m batting my eyes and picturing stars and hearts and doves flying about my head in a circle right now.)  So, we’ve addressed the love portion of the prompt.  Now on to the letter portion, which I tend to snort at as well, btw.  But we’re playing along here, right?  So I said to myself, “Self…”

30 Days of Truth – Day 29

Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself.  And why.

Ugh.  Talk about timing…  This has been a week full of self-loathing and self-pity.  So asking me that question right now gets you the answer: everything.  But I suppose that’s not altogether practical.  Damn.

This is actually something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, you know, with the introspection and joblessness and depression and whatnot.  I can find plenty of faults but not that many solutions.  And even when I’m able to recognize a flaw — What did you say?  Ohhh, right, we’re not using realistic words like “flaw” anymore.  Too negative, obviously.  Right.  –  Even when I’m able to recognize a characteristic of mine that I’d like to change, I’m not usually… something enough to follow through with it.

Now, I’m not promising to follow through with this either, but I suppose there is something binding about putting pen to paper, so to speak.  The behavior(s) that I will be trying to recognize and change is my intolerance.  For myself and others.  I’m impatient and harsh and judgmental.  Among other things.  I suppose I’ve been trying to change this part of myself since I was a teenager, so I’ve had a lot of practice but not much success.  No, thank you, I don’t want your help.  You’re already bugging me.  LOL   But I refused you nicely, didn’t I??

30 Days of Truth – Day 28

Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Right now?  After the initial pissed off exclamation of, “Damnit!  I’ve been telling people for YEARS that accidents don’t really happen!,” I’d be really excited.  And scared.  And all the other feelings that future moms have when they find out they have a tiny human growing inside of them.  I am a paranoid and private enough person that I wouldn’t tell anyone for a while.  Excitement and/or physical side effects (Is that what you call them?  Pregnancy really is like a disease or parasite, so I guess side effects works as well as anything) would probably get the better of me in about a week or so and I’d tell the hubs.  I don’t know how long I could go without telling Mom, I suppose that would all depend on what part of the phone conversation cycle we were in.  No one else would find out until the second trimester.  Too many things go wrong during the early weeks, or more accurately perhaps, too many things don’t go right.  It happens.  And that’s something I’m prepared to deal with, but I don’t need to deal with everyone else too.  Mourning, among other things, is something I prefer to do privately.

That’s a very different answer than the one I would have given you 10 years ago.  Or even 5 years ago.  And I reserve the right to have a different answer tomorrow if I want to.  I think that becoming a parent is a very important and conscious decision that an adult needs to make.  And I don’t mean that you need to patch your 17 year old family together and get married to some boy that’s gonna bolt whether he’s married or not.  I don’t see parenthood as a default.  Right now, it’s not a choice I’m making.  On purpose.  Because I can’t do what I think I need to do for a child right now.  But it wouldn’t be a problem to make those lifestyle changes and it’s not something that’s too far in my future.  5 years ago I was in (almost) as stable of a place in my life, but I don’t know if my reaction would have been excitement.  And I don’t know if that pregnancy would have resulted in a birth.  I think that we’d have a lot more well adjusted adults out there if more parents and potential parents actually thought about what is best and not what is expected.

30 Days of Truth – Day 27

Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Well, I don’t mind saying it again, but y’all might mind hearing it again.  I’ll say it a million times and still want to say it a million more.  My Envi is the best thing going for me right now.  I know, I know, another person is not something that should be the best thing about YOU, but…  that’s the thing…  he kind of is.  He helps me to see myself more clearly, more fairly.  He helps me to see my strengths and how to approach and overcome my weaknesses.  He helps me to see the world as a broader place both physically (hello, 6000 miles separation) and cognitively.

He helps me see.  <3

30 Days of Truth – Day 25

Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Hmm…  I believe I’m still alive today because of the handy dandy Chloe safety mechanism of avoiding activities that might end up in any sort of falling down.  I don’t do anything that moves my body through space with any sort of velocity.  Now, obviously I’m not talking about cars or planes or any other sort of vehicle.  I’m talking about (mostly) self-propelled, movement activities.  I don’t ski.  I don’t rollerblade.  I don’t run.  Hell, I don’t even walk fast.  So, yes.  My leisurely pace through life is what keeps me alive.

That, or the fact that I’m really genetically a superhuman but too many adverse in utero events stunted my superness so much that now I’m just a normal person.  Although…  If I’m just normal now, I don’t know how that argument works for keeping me alive.  Damn.  Scratch that one off the list.

OR!  I’m really unbreakable.  You know, like Bruce Willis.  There was a spectacular Pyrex glass dish explosion that left the carpet and vinyl flooring ruined while I escaped unscathed.  Food for thought.  (And that last part is better if you picture me tapping the side of my nose and then pointing at you as I raise my eyebrows, btw.)

30 Days of Truth – Day 24

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter.)

You may think this is an odd playlist and not quite a letter, but it’s not for you, it’s for him.  Regardless, I hope you enjoy yourselves.

Air – Cherry Blossom Girl
Death Cab for Cutie – I Will Possess Your Heart
Red Hot Chili Peppers – Warm Tape
Muse – Undisclosed Desires
Scissor Sisters – The Other Side
Uh Huh Her – Explode
Fiona Apple – Pale September
Sivan Shavit – Flying Ticket
Placebo – Running Up That Hill
Depeche Mode – Somebody
Portishead – Roads
Sheryl Crow – Strong Enough
Wreckless Eric – Whole Wide World
INXS – By My Side
Blue October – Calling You
Goldfrapp – Utopia
Ladytron – Burning Up
Animotion – Obsession
PJ Harvey – A Place Called Home
Sharon Rotter – The Shining
Metric – Twilight Galaxy
Des’ree – Kissing You
The XX – Shelter
Type O Negative – Love You to Death

This playlist takes me through time and makes my heart swell with joy.  This is his passion and perseverance, his romance and demands.  It is my hesitation and acceptance, my restraint and elation.

As this year draws to a close, I can count almost as many months spent with him.  As we celebrated our 10 month anniversary only days ago, my heart assured me that I have made the right choice in sharing my life with him.  My heart assures me of that fact on a daily basis and has done so for a very long time (perhaps even longer than I’d care to admit).  So this playlist shares a little bit of those ten months with you.  This playlist shares a little bit of our love, our trials, our fears, our passion, our life.

Envi, I love you.  Always.  <3

30 Days of Truth – Day 20

I’m back!  Again.  Really, I’m back on the wagon this time.  I had a busy weekend followed by my typical laziness and I lost my mojo.  But it’s back.  Daily bloggage for 10 more days, I swear.  After that…  Well, we’ll see.

Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Ha!  Seriously??  Let’s see if I can sum it up in a succinct phrase or two here.  If you can indulge in (not self-medicate with) drugs (and that’s a broad category there, I might get more focused as I write, maybe not) and alcohol without it negatively impacting your daily life in a social, monetary or emotional way, GO FOR IT.  The end.

No, I’m kidding.  About being done with this topic, not my feelings about drugs and alcohol, of course.  Now, I’m not saying that drugs and/or alcohol should be part of your daily life, but neither should Big Macs or cheesecake.  Nothing in excess is a good thing.  But if you want to go have too many margaritas with your girlfriends or drown your sorrows in some cheap beer or smoke up and watch The Dark Crystal, who can say that’s a bad idea??  I’m talking about recreation here, not addiction.  If you or someone you know is addicted to drugs or alcohol, you should stop.  It’s bad and stuff.  </end PSA>  No really, I’m not condoning drug or alcohol use that leads to physical addiction and harm, stealing money out of grandma’s purse or “all healthy relationships exit stage left.”  Yes, I’m aware that the line between recreation and addiction could become a thin or even invisible one for some people.  Okay… I’m going to shut down that train of thought before I get myself into trouble.  I’ll amend my earlier statements by saying that I do think there are more and less dangerous substances available to be used and potentially abused.

I’ll use that as a segue to launch into my pro-marijuana legalization platform.  I think pot should be legal.  I think pot is more benign than alcohol.  If the government wasn’t so freaking stupid, they’d see it for the amazing source of revenue that it is.  Okay, I guess it’s less of a platform and more of a couple statements linked together.  Oh well.  What else?  I don’t think weed is a gateway drug.  And like I said earlier, I think alcohol is a worse substance to put into your body.  No one throws up at 3pm the next day because they smoked too much pot the night before.  Just sayin’.  I guess you could say that this viewpoint is pretty narrow and doesn’t include much besides mary jane and alcohol.  I’m a little bit more wary of stronger drugs because I have seen them get people into more trouble.  I have also seen some people deal with them recreationally and be just fine.  That’s a sticky wicket, though.  Alright, this is the point where I start rambling and repeating myself so I’ll shut up.

Bottom line?  Drugs and alcohol are not inherently evil.  Nor are the people that enjoy them.  It just takes a few dumbasses to make everyone else look bad.

30 Days of Truth – Day 19

Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

LMAO  Really??  Religion OR politics?  Religion AND politics?  In the same post?  Having them sitting together in that header, it’s just outright silliness.  Well…  In terms of normal people and the can of worms that those topics can create.  For me?  They’re actually really good together.  I can sum up those two topics in… 5 words (not that I’ll shut up that quickly, ha!):  The root of all evil.  Yes, that’s what I really think.  No, I’m not going for shock value or an ironic POV like some witty, hipster blogger.  Now, let me clarify one thing before we get started.

In my little brain, as oddly as it may process things, religion has absolutely nothing to do with God.  Or Buddha.  Or Allah.  Or Shiva.  Or Ra.  I don’t care who you do or don’t believe in, religion has nothing to do with that entity.  Religion is an excuse created by man (YES, extreme and far reaching example, it’s my blog, not yours- shut up) to persecute others that frighten, confuse or impede them in some way.  All in the name of that almighty one.  Religion is about taming and brainwashing the masses to support the power structure at the top of the religious ladder.  That support can come in various ways, including, but not limited to the monetary and the physical.  (Don’t even get me started on tithing…)  I think there are some really wonderful things about religion (still excluding deities from the equation)- community, family, emotional support, charitable activities…  But these have often been abused and overlooked and overshadowed.

Politics?  Exactly the same.  A self serving, elite power structure at the top of the heap, telling “Joe the Plumber” what he should think about this or that issue, taking money and manpower and mismanaging everything all in the name of the idea greater than ourselves = democracy/the King/Idon’tknowanythingaboutpoliticssoIdon’tknowwhatelsetoaddhere.

Put those two together…  poof.  Evil.  I’m sure there’s some sort of six degrees of separation we can do to connect every major horrific event in the history of the world to these two concepts.  Okay, yes, yes, I’m exaggerating.  A little.  Sorta.  Not really.  I will plead ignorance, though.  I don’t do history and I don’t do theology, I have absolutely nothing to back my views.  It’s a whim, it’s a fantasy, it’s a fallacy, call it what you will, I don’t care.

/end blog

K, now it’s your turn.  Ready…. GO!

 

30 Day of Truth – Day 18

Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.

Finally, an easy topic.  LOL   I don’t know that a lot of people would see it that way, but I do.  I’m all for it.  Get married.  Be happy.  Have medical decision-making rights.  Have children and raise them in a (semi)traditional nuclear family.  Enjoy all of the social and legal benefits that marriage has been providing for heterosexual couples.  Gay marriage is kind of a non-issue for me, actually.

My views on gay marriage are actually more about straight marriage.  It irks me to no end that people can say the sanctity of marriage is ruined if we allow “unnatural” couples to wed.  These couples think it’s so important that they’re often willing to fight for it.  On the other hand, we have our morally- and socially-correct hetero couples that get married and divorced before the ink on the wedding license has time to dry.  I think it’s preposterous to punish people who want something for it’s value while rewarding, or at least condoning, the ridiculous behavior of those who do something because it’s expected or easy.

Okay, before this totally turns into a rant…  I think that a couple of any nature should have the right to legally preserve their family through marriage.

 

30 Days of Truth – Day 17

Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

I walked away from this post HOURS ago because I was sure there wasn’t a book that changed my views on anything. Then I thought about going with the smartass route and mentioning a textbook of some sort. Then I randomly thought of a book. It’s kinda cheesy, but it’s true.

The Shack, by William P. Young, is the author’s account of a personal tragedy and the rediscovery of his faith through an unexpected and unbelievable series of introductions and events. Basically, he meets God in the woods at the shack. This visit challenges his preconceived ideas of God and his way of living. Okay, enough of the book report and on to the changing of the views. I can see one of my sisters right now, btw, being very excited by the direction this post is taking. No worries, though, I am still my lovable agnostic self. BUT, in a way, this book did prove to me that I am agnostic and not atheist. It made want to believe in the characters presented in the book. It made me envious of the author and the impact the divine intervention/nervous breakdown/hallucination/wishful thinking had on his life. It encouraged me to know that someone else out there thinks that the notion of a vengeful god is absolutely ridiculous.

I’m not sure where all of this was going. I’ve taken two quizzes and watched three tutorials throughout the writing of this post, so the train of thought was kinda interrupted. But I’m back on the wagon and will be posting every day again (provided I don’t come down with another plague).